What's in a number? Well it could be anything. The amount of ingredients in a recipe. A mathematical or scientific equation. Numbers can even be the difference between life and death. Ha! That sounds dramatic, doesn't it?
108
A simple enough number. Rather enigmatic if taken by itself. But it was what I saw on my glucometer the other day. One hundred and eight. I simply stared at it, blinking, my heart pounding, mouth dry. Oh, the pounding heart and dry mouth? That was because I'd just finished walking. Oh! Did I startle you? Sorry about that. I do try to fight these impulses towards drama you know.
Ah, but back to that lovely, lovely number. 108. I haven't seen that number in...Well, never actually. My numbers have always run in the 200's, even 300's. And yes, I admit it, even into the 400's a few times when I've 'forgotten' that I'm diabetic.
But 108!
Ok, yes, now I'm just gloating. Again, apologies. I wonder if I can explain how wonderfully frightening that number was to me. I've wished for years to have a number that low. So very...normal. And there it was, right there in front of me. I can tell you now without too much embarrassment that I squee'd. Yes, yes I did. I actually squee'd and bounced in my seat. I wanted to shout it to the world! And yet, I wanted to hug that number to myself like a small joyful secret. It wasn't just any number to me. It was what I have needed for a long time; that little boost to keep me going. That wonderful pat on the back that says you've accomplished something. That all your worry and stress and trying to do the right thing were working.
And deep down inside, I felt just a little more healthy.
The beautiful number didn't remain there, of course. It went up. And down. And up again. But in the back of mind I know that if I keep doing what I'm doing, it'll go back there. And that means that I can start working towards my next goal.
